


Achievementstuck (or how Michael Jones ended the world)

by Turntechgodliness (AmberzillaRex)



Category: Homestuck, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: I just..., THIS IS A THING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 23:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10977651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberzillaRex/pseuds/Turntechgodliness
Summary: Michael didn't think the game would end the world





	Achievementstuck (or how Michael Jones ended the world)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this. There will never be more.

It was suppose to be a simple game. 

Michael had heard about the game from Kerry, who had been sent an email by Miles, who had heard about the game from Barb and Lindsay at lunch the week before- and he had brought it to Geoff’s attention, pointing out that the game was apparently very highly anticipated. Geoff had approved the pre-order of the game, and it had been forgotten about for three months before a box arrived at the office, a shiny disk in a case with only a stylized title on it: SBURB. 

No one had thought anything of it when Michael had set the game up on his computer, then the five other computers in the office. Everyone had gone about their business until the game was set up to begin, though by the time he had everything ready to go, Geoff, Jeremy and Gavin were the only three left in the Achievement Hunter office. A quick sweep of the building had Barbara and Burnie joining them, and the six had started up the game, captures at ready. 

It was suppose to be a simple game, something that came from a new company that people had been talking about for a few months. It was suppose to be fun. 

It was not suppose to bring about the end of the world. 

***

“I can’t believe we caused the end of the world. Was there anything in the user guide about bringing about the end of the world?” Gavin’s voice was confused as Michael looked around him, wiping sweat from his brow with his arm as he kept an eye out for any more enemies around them. It appeared that when the six of them had managed to alchemize their cruxite artifacts, they had entered something called the medium suddenly with little warning, finding themselves separated. Michael had been pleased to find at least Gavin was with him; truthfully, while he would have liked to have the other with him, he was glad he wasn’t alone. Glancing back at Gavin, Michael gave a sigh as he moved on place a hand on other man’s shoulder. 

“Look, the book said it was a world building game but it didn’t say we were ending ours to do it. And according to your stupid sprite fucker, we can create a new world and shit. Maybe we can… maybe we can bring everyone back. Just… look, we can’t like, keep focused on it Gavin. It’s been two days. We gotta move on or we aren’t going to get to the second gate. The second gate’s gunna get us to someone else, but it’s not going to be as easy as getting the first one. Burnie says that he can’t help us as much to build up to it since we don’t have that much material or grist. So we gotta focus on that. Alright?” Gavin gave a nod, looking at the ground a long moment before turning his gaze to the river of lava flowing around them. 

“Do you think we’re going to be okay?” Michael frowned, glancing towards the gate hovering at the top of the tallest of the steel and brick structures around them. He hoped that the others weren’t alone; so far, Michael had equipped himself and Gavin as best he could, the ridiculous creeper shaped sprite that had been created when Gavin had haphazardly thrown a creeper plushie into the kernelsprite that had appeared for them guiding him to create The Mogar- a sword with a Banjo headed hilt- and The Mark Nutt, a simple bow with a never ending quiver. The creature itself couldn’t speak, and communicated by use of the spritelog that Gavin had received on it’s creation, and hadn’t been much use while they’d defended themselves from several creatures who had been hell bent on killing them. It had taken them a bit to get use to their weapons, but they were fine now, capable of defending themselves at the very least.

“I’m sure we’ll be fine. Everyone’s pretty smart, and if we have a guide sprite then I’m guessing they do to.” Gavin gave a nod, and Michael wiped his arm across his forehead as he glanced at the buildings surrounding them. “You know, this sort of reminds me of downtown Houston. Except with more lava and shit.” Gavin looked around, face stoic as he hoisted the bag he’d been carrying on his back. He’d gathered what supplies they’d been able to alchemize, food and medical supplies just in case, and had piled it all into a book bag to tote around, unsure as to what they might need. He looked around, brows furrowed as he caught a sound to his left.

“Michael, what’s making that noise?” Michael paused, straining to hear what Gavin had. To their left he could just hear a faint ‘naknaknak’ sound, though it appeared to be coming closer to them. He frowned, drawing his sword and reaching to push Gavin behind him as in the distance, a sea of red seemed appear from behind a building, heading straight towards them. 

“I don’t know, but we should try to get onto one of these buildings just in case I think. I don’t wanna be caught by something that’s going to attack us and you’re better off at a distance with that bow.” Gavin nodded, and the two started towards the closest steel structure, Michael boosting Gavin up and Gavin reaching to pull the other man up with him as the sea of red swept towards them. 

“Michael… Michael, I think those are crocodiles. Bright red crocodiles!” Gavin pointed at the creatures sweeping towards them, their constant ‘naknaknak’ becoming a low roar around them as they stopped under the structure the two men had climbed up on. 

“What the fuck. Why are they just staring at us?” Gavin looked at the Spritelog, frowning some as the green words appeared on the page as below them, the Creepersprite surrounded by the creatures. 

“Creepersprite claims that they’re called consorts and they want to help us get to the gate. I guess us being on their planet...devalues something? It’s not all that clear but they want to help.” The two men stared at the consorts before exchanging a look, Michael’s lip curling slightly at the look on Gavin’s face. 

“We are not going down there, dude. They have sharp teeth and look like fucking crocodiles, Gavin, we’d be stupid if we went down there in the middle of like, a thousand of them. No.” Gavin rolled his eyes, slipping from his spot to land in the middle of the circle under them, stumbling some on the landing and catching himself just barely before crashing into Creepersprite. Michael groaned, glancing at his Watchtop- a combination of his watch and the desktop he’d used to set up the game that he’d alchemized once Gavin had figured out how to combine items with his own version of the Watchtop. There were two flashing notifications on his messenger, some weird combination of AIM and MSN messenger that called itself Pesterchum, the first from Geoff and the second from Barbara. Letting himself drop beside Gavin, he took a moment to assess the situation before opening the chat with Geoff, keeping Gavin in his peripheral as he read the message. 

GR: Hey losers did you guys reach your first gate alright?  
GR: Michael?  
GR: Michaaaael  
GR: Stop sucking each other’s dicks and answer me  
GR: Michael answer me  
GR: Michael Jones I am your boss you answer me right fucking now so I know you guys didn’t die or some shit.   
MJ: Sorry dude we ran into some like, consorts or something? I don’t fucking know, they’re like crocodiles or something. Gavin’s currently becoming one of them from the looks of it.   
GR: Jesus dude don’t do that to me. I thought you got got.   
GR: Consorts are good though dude don’t worry about them  
MJ: Nah we good. I made a bitching sword and Gavvy has a bow and arrow that he doesn’t completely suck at.   
GR: Did you guys go god tier yet?

Michael reached out almost on instinct to pull Gavin back from one of the consorts who had gotten too close to him, Gavin whining as he waved Michael off to continue his conversation with the crocodile creatures. 

MJ: What? No? What the fuck’s a god tier?  
GR: It’s super powers. Hasn’t your kernelsprite told you anything useful? Jesus christ.  
MJ: Our kernelsprite is a fucking creeper because Gavin threw his stupid stuffed creeper into it like a friggen retard. It’s useless as shit, Geoff.   
GR: You can’t see it but I’m laughing so much right now.  
GR: What a goddamn idiot   
MJ: yeah fuck you too. At least he’s good with these consort things. So tell me about this god tier shit.   
GR: Alright so you have to die.  
MJ: … what.  
GR: Yeah like you have to die. But on a specific like...stone bed thing called a quest bed. Uh. Burnie prototyped our kernel with, uh, Gus and he told us all this shit.   
MJ: Wait what?  
GR: Yeah we found Gus? Sort of? He wasn’t, uh, alive and it wasn’t… it was fucked up and Burnie didn’t mean to prototype him but here we are. I mean he’s a lot of help, actually, but he’s constantly bitching about the fact that we brought about the end of the world and shit. But it’s sort of nice having him here. He’s given us a lot of information that he probably wasn’t suppose to because he just did not give a shit about the rules. The consorts know where the quest beds are, so like...ask them.  
MJ: … you want me to ask the crocodile things where the murder beds are.  
GR: Yes, Michael. Ask the crocodile things where the murder bed is so you can get super powers.   
MJ: You know that sounds fucking stupid right.  
GR: You sound fucking stupid. Just do it.

Michael let out a groan, glancing up to make sure the consorts hadn’t tried to eat Gavin yet - from the looks of it, one was chewing aimlessly on his leg, but didn’t seem to be harming him in any way. He took a moment to switch over to the chat with Barb, glancing over the sent messages as he leaned against one of the steel beams that stuck out of the ground around them. 

BD: Dude Geoff says that you guys went through your first gate. Jeremy and I have already done that so we’re winning.   
MJ: I don’t think this is a race, Barbara.  
BD: Anything’s a race if you try hard enough Michael.  
MJ: I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough. Have you gone to the Murder Bed yet?  
BD: You mean have we hit the G to the O to the D tier?  
MJ: … I fucking hate you sometimes.   
BD: I love you too! And yeah, we have. Orfsprite pretty much told us everything we had to do because she’s hella useful.   
MJ: Unlike Creepersprite who is a useless dickbag  
BD: Aw, that’s right, Gavin’s with you isn’t he?  
MJ: I meant the actually kernelsprite but yeah him too. Geoff says I have to ask the consorts about the murder bed.   
BD: It’s called a Quest bed dude.   
BD: Though I think it should be called the REST bed amiright? :D  
BD: :D :D :D :D  
MJ: God fucking damnit Barb.  
BD: You love me. But yes. The consorts know where the qb for your planet are. You gotta die, but then you wake up okay with super powers and really comfy pjs. It’s worth it.  
MJ: Alright. I guess we’re gunna ask some crocodile fuckers about some murder beds then.   
BD: Wait you have crocodiles? I have turtles! And I think Burnie and Geoff have salamanders or something.   
MJ: Horray. Feel my excitement. I’ll talk to you later, Barb.

Minimizing his chat program, Michael turned his attention back to Gavin, who had settled to sit on the ground, the crocodiles surrounding him. Rolling his eyes, he reached to pull Gavin up, frowning at the disgruntled noise his friend made. 

“Dude, we have to find murder beds. Get up.” Gavin gave him a look, dusting himself off and leaning to pick up the Spritelog again. 

“You mean the Quest Beds? They’re in the golden crocodile temple thing that we saw when we got here. The consorts already told me that. Or I guess told Creepersprite who told me but still, I’ve already got that information, Michael. Keep up boi.” Michael rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he turned to look towards where they had seen the golden temple before. It wasn’t too far away, though if Michael recalled correctly, it had been surrounded by lava. 

“Well that’s… okay. A little weird but whatever. We’ll go to the golden temple of crocodile assholes, we’ll die in our murder beds and get our super powers, and then we’ll go get through the fucking gate. Sounds like a plan.” Hefting his sword, he cast a look at the consorts before fixing Gavin with a look. “They aren’t coming with us.” Gavin frowned, reaching out to pat the top of one of the crocodile’s heads, the creature pausing in it’s naking to make an odd noise in the back of it’s throat. “Did you- is that thing fucking purring? Jesus christ Gavin. I can’t even with you right now.” Gavin beamed, adjusting his backpack before turning towards the direction they had to go. 

“They know a lot of things about this planet, Michael, they might be helpful!” Michael groaned, beginning to walk towards the temple, and Gavin hurried to keep up with him, slowing some as he reached his side. 

“Whatever. Just shut up for a bit. It should take us...maybe twenty minutes to get there?” Gavin nodded, falling quiet as he pulled up his chat program on his Watchtop, noting several messages from all four of their friends. Opening Jeremy’s message first, he read through the messages. 

JD: I fucking hate turtles Gavin.   
JD: So much  
JD: They keep trying to bite me and Barb thinks it’s hilarious.   
GF: Well I just met some very lovely crocodiles, Lil J, maybe we can do a trade up and get you some lovely consorts!  
JD: We’re leaving LOLAR in a few minutes actually. We have no idea if our gate’s going to take us to you or to Geoff or what, Barb’s been playing with what futures are open to us or something weird like that. She’s a seer of light? I guess?  
GF: Well that’s bloody interesting, what’s a seer of light do?  
JD: According to Orfsprite, Seer’s of Light can see the best outcome in a situation I guess?  
GF: Well that’s fitting. Barb’s very optimistic about things. What are you?  
JD: Sylph of Light. All OS gave me was that I can show people the light.   
GF: You’re Jesus!  
JD: I am Jesus.  
GF: The consorts say you get god tier outfits, are they comfy or like...ridiculously fancy?  
JD: Oh no, man, it’s like wearing pjs all day they’re comfy as fuck.   
GF: Oh good. Comfortable clothing while we attempt to create a new world is always good.   
JD: Yeah I’m… trying not to think too much on that right now. One step at a time, right?  
GF: True enough. Alright, I’ll let you gate jump, let me know where you two end up.  
JD: Alrighty. I’ll talk to you soon.

Gavin smiled some, glancing up to make sure he wasn’t about to trip over anything before opening the message from Burnie. 

BB: Geoff says that you prototyped your kernel with a creeper plushie. Congratulations on being an idiot.  
GF: Well there was no specification on what we should prototype! What did you use then?  
BB: Gus.  
GF: You… what? You used Gus?  
BB: I don’t want to talk about it Gavin. Have the two of you found your quest bed locations yet?  
GF: Yeah, the consorts told us they were in the golden crocodile temple so that’s where we’re heading. We have to die? That’s what I’ve been told?  
BB: It’s not as scary as it sounds Gav I promise.   
GF: Okay…   
GF: So what’s your god tier?  
BB: Page of Heart, apparently. Geoff’s a Mage of Blood.  
GF: Ooooh, what’s the deal with those then?  
BB: Page of Heart is… I guess I provide people with heart? Or something like that? Gussprite wasn’t totally clear on it. And Mage of Blood… I really don’t know. To be honest it’s all a little confusing.  
GF: Ahh. Okay. Maybe I can get more info on it.  
BB: I’ll keep looking too. You guys holding up okay?  
GF: Michael’s getting a bit cranky, I don’t think he likes the consorts too much.   
BB: I bet. Alright, stay safe okay?  
GF: Will do Burnie. You too?  
BB: Of course. 

Glancing at Michael, Gavin chuckled some as he noted that several of the consorts had surrounded the other man, naking at him as they walked. He could see the rage building under the man’s skin, and he reached out to touch his shoulder, shooing away the consorts and getting Michael to turn and look at him. 

“Hey. You doing alright, boi?” Michael let out a slow breath, reaching to rub a hand over his face before fixing Gavin with a look. 

“I just keep thinking about Lindsay.” Gavin nodded solemnly, eyes downcast as his own thoughts turned to Meg. To Ryan and Jack, to everyone that they hadn’t been able to rescue. 

“I know. I keep thinking about… about everyone. But it’s like you said. We can’t focus on that. Not right now. There’s still a hope that we can maybe get them back. We just have to keep going and beat this stupid game.” Michael nodded, and Gavin took the opportunity to link their arms. “Things’ll be alright, Michael! We’re together, aren’t we?” Michael squinted at Gavin before glancing towards the looming temple before them. 

“I mean I guess. We are indeed together Gavin.” Gavin frowned, tightening his arm on the other mans as he tugged him to a stop. 

“Look, I know I’m not… most people’s first thought for stuff like this. But I promise, I’m going to take this seriously. Alright?” Michael sighed, shifting to loop an arm around Gavin’s shoulder. 

“I know, buddy. We’re going to be alright.” The two began walking again, the consorts and Creepersprite following along with them as they went. Gavin raised his arm to look at his Watchtop again, opening Geoff’s message.

GR: How you holding up buddy? Make the gate?  
GR: Gav? Hey answer me already  
GR: Gavin don’t stress me out like this  
GF: Sorry Geoffrey! We got a bit side tracked by consorts. But we’re okay! I promise!  
GF: We’re on our way to our quest beds now. I’m a little worried about it to be honest with you.   
GR: It’s not that bad, Gav. I promise.  
GF: But you have to DIE Geoff.   
GF: I don’t think I’ll like dying.  
GR: Yeah but you get super powers, and you won’t be able to die an unjust death.  
GF: Yeah but do we all have to be god tier?  
GF: What if I just… don’t get the super powers and stay regular Gavin?  
GR: Gavin, I’m going to say this once.   
GR: You are the closest thing I have to my child right now. And you’re accident prone, and you’re clumsy, and if something happens and you die, like really die, I don’t think I can do this  
GR: I can’t finish this fucking game without you Gav.  
GR: So get on the murder bed  
GR: And get your super powers and be safe okay?  
GF:......I’m sorry Geoffrey. I didn’t think about how hard this must be for you… I’ll do it. I promise.   
GR: Thank you. And make sure Michael does too. I want both of you to meet me and Burnie here on LOWAS okay?  
GF: I will make sure he does. We’ll meet up together and finish this and hopefully fix everything!  
GR: Good.   
GF: We’re getting close to the temple now, I’ll hopefully message you later Geoff!  
GR: You’d better asshole!!!

Gavin smiled some, switching to the conversation with Barb as the temple loomed closer before them. Michael had placed the hand not holding his sword on Gavin’s lower back, guiding him as the other man answered his messages. 

BD: GAVIN THERES SO MANY TURTLES AND THEY’RE PINK!!!!  
GF: BARBARA THERES SO MANY CROCODILES AND THEY ARE RED!!!!  
BD: :D :D :D :D :D  
GF: We’re going to our quest beds. How bad is dying?  
BD: Actually not as awful as you think. There’s some pain and stuff but I mean… it’s better than I expected to be honest. And then you get cool powers!  
GF:... I’m taking your word on it, Barbara. 

“Did the consorts mention any sort of battles we might have to do in the temple? I mean it’s a temple right? Temples are sacred and shit.” Gavin frowned, opening the spritelog and turning to Creepersprite. 

“Are we going to have to battle more?” He hoped they wouldn’t; he hadn’t liked actually fighting the enemies on their planet, leaving most of the work to Michael and helping from a distance. Looking at the log, he shook his head and nudged Michael some. 

“It should be fairly straight shooting. It’s the consorts place of worship for their religion though so be respectful, Michael. Okay?” Michael scoffed as they came to the temple, the whole crowd around them coming to a stop as the two men surveyed the area. The temple sat in a river of lava, and what appeared to have been a bridge between the mainland area seemed to have collapsed in the middle, leaving them with no way in. Michael frowned, looking around to see if there was a way around, and Gavin moved to the edge of the bridge area closest to them, peering over the side. “There’s a lot of lava, Michael. I don’t think we can jump it. But look, there’s a beam over there that would probably reach if we can knock it down.” Michael turned his attention to where Gavin pointed, spotting the beam the other man was talking about as he moved to stand beside Gavin. 

“We can’t reach that, Gavin. What do you expect me to do, boomerang myself over there and push it down?” Gavin made a face, giving Michael a little shove and turning to look for another way to get across. Beside them, the consorts converged, and both men stopped to watch as the crowd moved to the edge of the cliff before disappearing over the side into the lava. Gavin gave a yelp, throwing himself to the edge of the bridge to watch the lava for signs of the creatures, and Michael looked around in confusion. The lava flowed around the temple, no signs of the creatures, and Gavin made a sound of distress as Michael pulled him back from the edge. 

“They just threw themselves in, why would they do that Michael?” Michael shrugged, hooking an arm over Gavin’s shoulder as he tried to think of a way across. He turned, gazing at the structures around the area in an attempt to find something that they could use as a bridge. His search was interrupted by Gavin tugging on his arm, and he turned back to look at his friend. 

“What, Gavin? We need to figure something out for this.” Gavin gestured across the way, and Michael’s gaze drifted to where the beam was leaning against the temple wall. THe crowd of consorts were crawling up the bank out of the lava, and the two watched as they pulled themselves up onto the platform and surrounded the beam. They pushed the beam, letting it fall across where the bridge had fallen away before making their way across, several moving to stand in front of Gavin, looking up at him as they made their naking noises. 

“Oh, they made the bridge for us! Thank you little crocodiles!” Gavin beamed at the consorts as Michael grabbed his arm, giving a sigh as he pulled Gavin across the bridge. The inside of the temple was as golden as the outside, statues of their crocodile companions and giant frogs lining the corridor. The temple was one large room, and in the center sat two bed shaped slabs. 

“Do you think those are the quest beds?” Gavin glanced back at Michael from the statue he’d been inspecting, moving to stand next to him over the beds. 

“Don’t look too comfy does it?” He leant over to prod at the bed, frowning as he looked at the two beds, taking in the gear like shape on them. Looking through the spritelog, he paused on one of the pages, tapping the symbol in the book. “Time. Those are the symbols on the beds. That must mean that Time is our aspect. Uh… there’s a bunch of stuff in here about that. But we should maybe consider doing this first? Just in case.” Michael nodded, watching as Gavin sat on one of the beds hesitantly. Setting his sword down beside the other, he moved to sit, frowning some as he looked Gavin over. The other man looked scared; bag clutched in his lap, he stared hard at the end of the quest bed, eyes focused on nothing. Michael couldn’t blame him; he wasn’t exactly raring to be killed, but Geoff had said that it’d be alright. 

“We’re going to be okay, dude. Gavin. Look at me.” Gavin glanced over, eyes meeting Michaels as they sat in silence for a moment before Michael cleared his throat. “Geoff says it’s alright. We’re going to be fine, and when we wake up we’ll have super powers and we can finish this stupid game and go home. Right?” Gavin nodded, setting the bag beside him on the quest bed before hugging himself. 

“How do we do it?” He asked, nervously. Michael frowned, looking around them for a moment before his gaze fell to the sword leaning against his quest bed. Picking it up, he inspected it a moment before gesturing to Gavin’s quiver. 

“Stab ourselves.” Gavin frowned, reaching to pull one of his arrows out. 

“Stab ourselves. That’s your solution.” Michael shrugged, moving to swing his legs off the quest bed to face his friend. 

“You got a better one, asshole?” Gavin shrugged, testing the sharpness of the arrow with his finger and wincing as he pricked his finger. 

“I don’t think I can do it to myself, Michael. Will you...can you, I mean…” Gavin trailed off, and Michael let out a breath as he reached to push the arrow out of Gavin’s hands. 

“I’ll use my sword. It’ll be quicker.” Gavin nodded, and Michael hesitated a moment before moving to kneel on the bed Gavin sat on. 

“Will you be able to do it to yourself?” Gavin asked, words quiet as he watched Michael carefully. Beside them, Creepersprite shifted closer, and Gavin glanced at the spritelog. “Creepersprite says that a consort can do it if you want.” Michael wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. 

“And have one of those fuckers mess it up? No thanks. I’ll do it. I’ll… fall on my sword or something. You just, you close your eyes and this will all be over in a minute, alright?” Gavin nodded, taking a shaking breath and closing his eyes as Michael leant over him, pressing the tip of his sword to Gavin’s chest over his heart. “You’re going to be okay, buddy. I promise. Alright? Count of three. One… two…” He pressed the sword into Gavin hard, his breath catching at the screech of pain the other man made as the sword bit into his flesh and sank between his ribs. Michael held the sword in him for a moment before pulling it out swiftly, helping Gavin lay back on the bed as he made soothing noises, tears trickling down his cheeks as he watched Gavin move in pain, sobbing as he clutched at the hole in his chest. “It’s okay, Gavin. I’m gunna go do me now. It’s okay.” He pressed his hand to Gavin’s for a moment before moving to his own bed, taking a slow breath as he knelt on the bed and positioned the sword. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Gavin, who was watching him through his tears. Giving him a small smile, he gripped the sword tighter as he prepared himself. “I’ll see you on the other side, Gavvy. Promise.” Gavin nodded, the light already fading from his eyes, and Michael took a deep breath and dropped onto the sword, immediately consumed with agonizing pain as the blade ripped through him. The pain overtook him, and after a long moment of searing, burning pain, he began to feel numb, blood pooling under him. Pulling the sword free took a moment, his hands too shaky and his strength waning, and he dropped onto his side as the blade slid free of his body. His vision began to fade, and before the creeping darkness could consume him, a final thought filtered through his brain. 

‘Geoff had fucking better be right about this or I’m haunting his ass.’

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“There’s a village up ahead. Maybe the consorts will know where the gate is.” Geoff grumbled as he pushed past Burnie at the other man’s words, stepping over a row of illuminated mushrooms as he headed towards the direction of the village Burnie had mentioned. The two men had been walking for hours, Gussprite following behind at a leisurely pace as Geoff and Burnie argued about the next gate’s location between them. 

“What, are they going to tell us where it’s at? Because as far as I’ve seen, none of them know where the gate is. We’ve asked thirteen of them so far.” Burnie rolled his eyes, giving Geoff a bit of a push up the stairs they’d come to as he glanced behind him at Gussprite. 

“What are you looking at me for? I can’t predict where the gates are any more than you can, asshole.” Burnie frowned, and Gussprite shrugged, flicking his little ghost tail and swooping in front of Geoff. “The consorts won’t know where the gate is, but there is someone in the village who can help you out.” Geoff’s brow rose, and he half turned towards the sprite as he continued up the steps, Burnie half guiding him as he went. 

“What, like there’s a specific consort we need to see, or like, there’s a guide or something?” Gussprite shrugged,and Geoff let out a groan. “Thanks. Real helpful, man.” Burnie steered Geoff towards the village, taking in the area around them as they moved. The ground was covered in bioluminescent mushrooms, the fungi lighting the path towards the small cleared out area that seemed to house a small population of the salamanders that seemed to be the only bipedal occupants of the planet they were on.

“I’m sure we’ll find out when we get there, Geoff.” Above them, hundreds of fireflies blinked in and out of sight, hovering over head as though leading them towards the village. They walked in silence for several minutes before Geoff spoke again, voice soft.

“Do you think that the lads are alright?” The thought had been nagging at the back of his mind since his last conversation with Gavin; the younger man had clearly been terrified at the thought of what they had to do to obtain godtier. Burnie shrugged some, and Geoff frowned, crossing his arms over his chest as they walked. 

“I think that Michael will take control of the situation. They know what they have to do, and I’m sure that Michael’s going to make sure Gavin’s alright, Geoff. Right now, we have to worry about finding Barb and Jeremy. I’m pretty sure that they’re coming to LOWAS, Barb was pretty certain about it. And if Gussprite says that we’re going to find help in the village, then Im prone to believe him. He was right about the quest beds.” Gussprite gave a nod, and Geoff let out a sigh. 

“Look, I’m going to worry about the kids regardless. I always worry about those idiots. And I know we have to find Barbara and Jeremy, but I’m just… aren’t you frustrated by all this, Burnie?” Burnie gave a large sigh, stopping and reaching to grab Geoff’s shoulders, forcing the other man to look at him. 

“I’m incredibly frustrated. And terrified. But I know that if we want to get out of this, we have to find our friends and create a new universe to end this stupid game. We can’t do that if we’re standing here freaking out over everything. And Gussprite knows things we don’t, so I’m inclined to believe him when he says we should do something. A part of him is still our Gus.” Both men turned to look at the sprite, who gave a little shrug at their inspection. 

“...Alright. We’ll go to the village and we’ll see if this mysterious being we’re suppose to see and find Barb and Jeremy and then we go try to meet up with the lads.” Burnie nodded, and Geoff turned to start off towards the village again, his steps a bit more sure now. Taking a moment to pull open his chats, he noted that there was a message from Barbara waiting for him. 

BD: I feel weird. I just had to convince Gavin dying wasn’t that bad.  
BB: I know. It feels like some sort of cruel assisted suicide thing. But it’s for the greater good.  
BD: I guess. Did you guys find your gate yet? I’m pretty sure we wind up on LOWAS, it looked like...a lot of blues and mushrooms and oily?  
BB: Yeah that sounds like LOWAS. We haven’t found the gate yet, but we’re suppose to meet up with someone who knows how to find it I guess.  
BD: Alright. We’re almost at our gate, so let me know whats up.  
BB: Can do.

Closing out of the chat, Burnie glanced up as they entered the small village, Geoff leading the way as Gussprite flitted between them, several consorts trailing them as they went. 

“Did your magical sprite powers tell you where this magical mystery person is, or do we have to search this whole town for them?” Geoff’s voice was brash against the serene calmness of the the village, his irritation noticeable as the salamander creatures swarmed around them, and Gussprite made a soft scoffing noise as he shifted to hover in front of Geoff. 

“He should be set up towards the east of the village. About a five minute walk from here.” Geoff nodded, turning towards where the sprite had pointed, and Burnie took a moment to take in the village around them. Many of the consorts seemed to be farming mushrooms; several stood about making ‘glubbing’ noises as they swayed slightly back and forth. There were a few shops scattered about the makeshift plaza they seemed to be in, large rock column styled buildings that had the different items the shops sold painted on them in bright colours. 

“We can buy stuff here?” He asked, glancing from the shop to Gussprite and back again as his stomach gave a growl. Gussprite nodded, drifting back to Burnie as the man dug around in the pockets of his godtier outfit to pull out some of the money that they had gotten while fighting the planets underlings- and that had been a trip, the creatures looking like some weird chess piece version of Gus- upon their earlier arrival. Making his way to the shop that’s sign looked the most like food, he peered at the consorts wares and frowned. Most of the items looked...disgusting. Geoff moved to stand behind him, looking over his shoulder with a snort. 

“We should have alchemized some food. That would have been the smart thing to do.” Burnie turned to glare at Geoff over his shoulder, and Geoff snorted. 

“Yes, thank you captain obvious. I don’t suppose you thought of that while we still had the option, did you?” Geoff gave a little shrug, reaching into the bag on his back and pulling out a box of donuts. 

“I mean, I alchemized a lot of things while you were trying to figure out how to put Gus into the kernel. Here, eat this.” Shoving the box into Burnie’s hands, Geoff nudged him out of the way to see what the consort had for sale. “Do you think these mushrooms would get you high, Burnie?” Rolling his eyes, Burnie shoved a donut in his mouth and turned to leave, reaching behind him to grab Geoff by his sleeve and pulling him along before he could purchase the questionable fungi to experiment with. 

“I’m going to vote that you don’t try it. Come on, we have shit to do Geoff.” Gussprite followed behind them as they began to walk towards where the sprite had gestured to, Burnie snacking as they went. The consorts followed them, several tagging along closely behind as they trudged through the village, a few joining them every so often as they made their way up and down stairs and past buildings. Geoff took a moment to check his messages, brightening up as he noticed the flashing notification alerting him that Gavin had sent him a message. 

GF: Dying is not good.  
GF: But I did it.  
GF: I’m all magical now and Michael is too.   
GR: Good. I’m glad you’re okay, Gavvers. How’s Michael? All in one piece?  
GF: Yeah, he’s okay. We’re going to head towards our gate now, see where it might take us. I’m not sure if it’s going to be LOWAS or LOLAR but it’ll be better than here maybe  
GR: What, you aren’t digging LOHAC?  
GF: It’s hot and stuffy. There’s lava everywhere. I want sky, Geoff.  
GR: Well I want a million boonbucks but here we are Gavin. Here we are.  
GF: Har har. Alright, I just wanted to let you know we’re okay. I’ll talk to you later.   
GR: Be careful.  
GF: Yes dad :P

Geoff chuckled glancing up at Burnie as they exited the main area of the village. “The lads are alright. Gavin messaged me. Hey, do you think that table’s where we’re suppose to be going?” He gestured to the table that they could see in the distance, unattended outside of a consort that seemed to be pacing across the top of the table. Burnie shrugged, and the two headed towards the table, watching as the salamander paused in it’s pacing to stare at them as they approached.

“Hey there. We’re looking for someone who can point us in the direction of the gate we’re looking for?” The salamander tilted it’s head to the side, fixing them with a silent look, and Geoff frowned, turning to look at Gussprite. 

“Are we talking to the right mysterious creature or…?” Gussprite shook his head, and Geoff groaned. “Are we at least in the right spot?” 

“Oh yeah, this is the spot alright. He’s gotta be here somewhere, just wait a few minutes.” Geoff rolled his eyes, moving to pull himself up onto the table to wait. Burnie poked around behind the table, noting that the only other objects seemed to be a sturdy chair and what looked like a book on Earth economics. Picking up the book, he flipped through it, noting the rather familiar hand writing in the ledgers of the book. 

“Uh. Geoff. Does this handwriting look familiar to you?” He turned the open book to Geoff, watching as the the other man took the book and looked over it. Geoff frowned, flipping through a few pages before looking up at Burnie with a confused look. 

“That’s Joel’s handwriting. What the fuck is one of his books doing here?” Burnie gave a shrug, and Geoff continued to flip through the book, his frown deepening as he did so. “There’s stuff added in here about Boondollars, Burnie. Do you think he might… I don’t know, do you think he might be here?” Burnie glanced around; the area was devoid of other humans, the table still empty besides the single consort standing on it beside Geoff. 

“I mean anything’s possible right? Maybe he’s here. Maybe he made it into the game somehow.” Geoff nodded, and beside him the consort tilted it’s head back, letting out a large blue bubble. Geoff started, nearly jumping off the table as he watched the bubble raise into the sky several feet above their heads before it popped, emitting an odd glub sounding noise. Both men watched as the salamander then hopped off the table, shuffling to the side to disappear in a small cave like hole in the ground. 

“Well that was fucking weird.” Geoff stated, turning to look at Burnie and Gussprite with a disbelieving look on his face. Burnie gave a shrug, and Gussprite put his hands up. 

“Consorts are weird man. I think that’s how they communicate long distances or something.” Geoff gave him a weirded out look, and Burnie let out a sigh. 

“So what, we just wait here? Jesus christ Gus, you couldn’t tell us who we’re waiting for?” Gussprite shrugged again, and Burnie rolled his eyes, moving to settle on the table beside Geoff. 

“God you’re just as much of a dick in death as you were in life Gus. “ Geoff huffed, kicking his feet idly as Gussprite frowned at him. 

“Look there's rules okay? And some of them I can break but others I can’t. Just trust me on this asshole. “ Geoff wrinkle his nose at the sprite, and Burnie gave a sigh. 

“Alright. I trust that you at least have some sort of idea as to what you're doing. “ Gussprite nodded, and behind them someone cleared their throat. 

“Sorry to interrupt your moment there guys but your asses are on my table. “ Burnie and Geoff spun to look at the speaker, both men leaping up from the table to stare at the man standing in front of them. 

“Joel! Thank fucking god, I thought you were gone like everyone else!” Burnie threw his arms around the other man, pulling him into an awkward hug as Joel made distressed noises. 

“I think I got sucked in via a glitch, I’m partly salamander. Way to end the fucking world, assholes. “ Geoff gave a noise of disbelief, waving a hand as Burnie released Joel. 

“And here I thought you’d be pleased. Are you our mysterious being whose going to help us get to our last gate to obtain our other players?” Joel shrugged some, moving to sit at the table beside them. 

“I mean probably. I mostly run the interplanetary stock exchange right now. There's huge holdings on LOHAC with the LOHACSE; I should be there but the part of me that's part salamander wants to stay here where the mushrooms are. You said you were looking for a gate? Which one are you on?” The two men paused a moment to count, and Joel settled himself in the chair behind the table as the salamander from before came back out to crawl up on the table next to him. 

“This is the sixth I think? Barb and Jeremy are going to come here, and then Gav and Michael are going to as well, and I think our denizen is here on LOWAS…” Joel gave a hum, pulling a large book from seemingly nowhere and opening it on the table. 

“So, when I got sucked in and glitched out, I obtained some...cheats, I guess. Knowledge and shit that the sprites have, but zero rules. No need for all that secretive bullshit. And I wrote down a lot of stuff between getting here and now. Stuff you guys technically shouldn’t know, but from what I can tell, my telling you wont make this a dead session. Magic of glitchiness.” He waggled his fingers at Burnie and Geoff, the latter snorting as he reached to swat at Joel’s hand. 

“So you can tell us what our denizen is? And where the gates are?” Joel gave a hum, and Geoff threw his arms up with a disgruntled noise. “Then tell us asshole! The sooner I know what we’re doing, the sooner we can end this shit and make a new universe.” Burnie nodded in agreeance, and Joel sighed as he flipped through the book. 

“There’s a few steps between now and the new universe, guys. There’s frog breeding-which is important so don’t make that face Geoff- and a battle and a choice. And Geoff...you’re going to be vital for defeating your denizen. And you’re not going to be happy about it.” Geoff frowned, and Joel gave a small chuckle. “First things first though…Barb and Jeremy are about to arrive. Technically each planet has a denizen; those two have already met theirs, defeated them and made their choice.” Geoff frowned, and Burnie leaned to look in the book. 

“Wait so there’s three denizen and we have to defeat all of them?” Joel nodded, flipping the page to one that had the title ‘The Choice’ underlined. 

“Each Denizen gives you a choice once defeated. The choice is vital for the end result of the game. Come on guys, you’ve played enough Bethesda games to know how this goes.” Burnie snorted, and Joel made a face. “Seriously though, the choice is important. Pay attention to your options. Jeremy made his Choice, and they’re going to enter the medium for LOWAS soon. Gavin and Michael still have to meet their denizen- then they’ll wind up here too.” The two men nodded, and behind them Gussprite floated silently. 

“So do we wait for everyone to show up here before we go to our denizen?” Geoff asked, flipping between a few pages before looking up at Joel curiously. Joel frowned, reaching to flip to two pages towards the middle of the book. 

“Theres two ways this can go. But I didn't see how either of them go... A seer could probably point you in a better direction as to if you should wait or not...so Barbara's your best bet there. “ Burnie nodded as he looked over the pages, and Geoff frowned. 

“I’m not sure I want to do this without Gavin and Michael either way. What if they get left behind or something if we go on without them? Or what if we need them to make The Choice? It doesn’t feel right.” Joel shrugged, and Geoff frowned as he leant against the table.

“I guess we’ll have to get Barb and Jeremy first. Do we know where they’re going to show up on LOWAS?” Burnie asked, looking up at Joel and Gussprite and waiting for a response. Gussprite frowned, looking up at the sky as Joel gave a deep chuckle. 

“You ever see the Big Friendly Giant, Burnie?” Burnie frowned in confusion, though Geoff let his gaze follow Gussprite’s to the sky above them, a look of understanding dawning his face slowly. 

“Look up...look way up.” he muttered, and Burnie turned his attention to the sky as well. The sky above them was dark, clouded over almost completely. Fireflies twinkled above them, almost in mockery of the stars that weren’t visible over the clouds, and high above them was a gate in a swirl of lilac and yellow. 

“Is that their gate?” Burnie asked, squinting at the sky as Geoff leant back on the table more. Joel nodded, and Burnie let out a groan. “Can they fly? Or are they just going to plummet to their death?” Gussprite snorted, and Burnie turned to him. “What? It’s a legitimate concern!” 

“All Godtier’s can fly, idiot.” Gusspirte stated, causing Burnie to grumble before pulling up his chat program while Geoff moved to flip through Joel’s book again, asking him questions about the LOHACSE.

BB: We’re under your gate into LOWAS  
BB: Like literally under it  
JD: Wait what do you mean under it  
JD: Like are you under ground?  
BB: Nope.  
JD: So it’s in the air?  
BB: It’s like a mile in the air. Don’t plummet to your death when you enter our medium.   
JD: Why would you say that D:  
BB: It’s a legitimate concern! Even though Joel says that all god tiers can fly  
BB: I’m not sure if I believe him I mean he’s half salamander  
BB: Wait is that racist?   
JD: I… I don’t know what’s going on here.   
JD: Did you say Joel? Joel’s here? JOEL’S ALIVE?!  
BB: Yeah. He like...glitched into the game somehow? And now he’s half salamander. So there’s that.  
JD: Maybe other people are here too!  
BB: Maybe. But buddy, we have bigger things to worry about. Joel says we have a lot of work to do before we can rebuild everything, and the first step is you and Barb coming through that gate.  
JD: I’ll let her know. We’re just by the gate now; Cetus gave us a lot of information… I think. There were a lot of riddles and eng was really confusing but less terrifying when we realized that she didn’t want to like...eat us alive.  
BB: Cetus was your denizen?  
JD: Yeah. We had to swim underwater to a cave, and I think she might have eaten literally everything in the ocean. But we had a talk, and by we I mean Barbara and Cetus exchanged riddles and puns and I hated every life choice I’ve ever made.   
JD: And then I made The Choice  
JD: And here we are, waiting for you guys to message us that you’re ready for us to hop through this gate.  
BB: Well. That sounds like an adventure and a half, but we’re ready for you now. Come on through.   
JD: Alrighty boss. We’ll head on in and meet you there then.   
BB: Alright. Be careful.

“-you could endlessly generate boondollars that way and take over the stock exchange, Geoff, which is why I’m terribly upset none of you are time players.” Burnie raised a brow at Geoff, who rolled his eyes. Clearing his throat, Burnie waited until everyone's attention was on him before speaking. 

“I just spoke with Jeremy. They’re going to enter the gate now, apparently their denizen had a bunch of riddles for them? But I guess things worked out alright for them so that’s good.” Joel nodded, and Geoff moved to sit on the table once more. 

“So we’re going to wait for the others then, right?” He asked, and Burnie shrugged. 

“I guess so. Not like there’s a lot to do without the others, right? We already decided that we weren’t going to hit up our denizen without everyone, so we might as well settle in for a bit.” Geoff’s entire demeanor seemed to be slightly off to Burnie as he sat nodding his head. Burnie watched him for a moment before realizing what was going on, and he reached out to place his hand on Geoff’s arm carefully. 

“We won’t go without the lads, Geoff. I promise.” Geoff relaxed slightly, and Burnie gave him a small smile. “I don’t think we’d ever hear the end of it if we did, I mean have you met Michael and Gavin?” Geoff snickered at that, and Burnie grinned.

“Gavin would bitch about it forever. It’s not worth it.” Both men nodded, and beside then Joel stretched some, letting out a yawn. 

“ Well, if you guys are going to hang out around LOWAS you might as well crash at my place. It’s not that far from here, so we can go to it once Barb and Jeremy hop gates.” Four sets of eyes turned to the sky, watching in anticipation for the two younger players to appear. 

“Do you think there’ll be a fancy light show or anything when they cross over? Like, fireworks, that’d be cool. It could be like ‘congrats! You made it another gate and didn’t get your ass handed to you! Way to go asshole!’ and then bam bam bam, fireworks galore.” Geoff’s words were spoken almost monotonely, and Burnie couldn’t help but laugh at him as he turned to look at the other man. 

“I don’t think the game cares about fancy light shows, Geoff. But I don’t know, maybe? It could happen.” Geoff nodded, looking at his watchtop and opening the chat box for Michael that was flashing.

MJ: Did you know that Gavin is a fucking disney princess  
MJ: Because I sure as fuck did not  
MJ: AND YET  
MJ: All these fucking consorts are following us  
MJ: And by us I mean him  
GR: I did not know that, no. Sounds like a you problem though.   
GR: Also Barb and Jeremy are about to cross their last gate over to LOWAS. You guys have an ETA yet?  
MJ: No. Dude we haven’t even found our denizen yet.   
MJ: Although I hear he has mad abs and can benchpress your mom so.  
GR: Okay one, rude. Two, hurry the fuck up. We aren’t going after ours until you’ve reached us just in case it like, does something big and epic.   
MJ: Awwww, thanks Geoff. Don’t leave lil us behind.  
GR: Anyways hurry the fuck up. Seriously. Go suck your denizen’s dick and get your asses here already.  
MJ: Okay dad we’re doing our best alright chill  
MJ: We’ll get there.  
GR: You’d better.

“Michael and Gavin are looking for their denizen right now. Hopefully they hurry up with that so they can cross their last gate too.” Burnie nodded, and Gussprite weaved between them as above them, there was a shimmery ripple in the gate before it vanished, leaving the sky dark and clouded. 

“The Light players have arrived.” Joel’s tone was playful, and Burnie glanced at him as the other man watched the sky with a smile, before turning his own attention to the sky. It took him a while to spot the two figures above them, and beside him Geoff let out a yell.

“Hey assholes! We’re down here!” Rolling his eyes, Burnie watched as the two figures got closer, an overwhelming wave of relief washing over him as Barbara gave a wave. 

“Hey guys! Wow, it’s great to see you!” She landed softly before throwing her arms around Burnie, letting out a content noise as Jeremy landed beside her with a grin. “Like, really, really great.” Burnie wrapped his arms around her, bringing her in for a tight hug before letting her go to turn to Jeremy. 

“I’m glad you guys made it okay. Michael and Gavin are looking for their denizen now, so we’re going to go hang out at Joel’s place.” Barb glanced at Joel, her eyes lighting up as she turned to throw herself at the taller man. 

“Joel! You look weird!” Joel frowned, patting the top of her head before giving her a gentle push away. 

“Thanks. Alright, you guys can follow me to my cave, the lads won’t be here for a little bit. Come on. I have an alchemizer too, so you guys can stock up on some stuff.” Geoff frowned, moving to stand up and grabbing the bag off of the table, slinging it over his shoulder. 

“How’d you manage that?” He asked, and Joel gave a little shrug. 

“It’s amazing what you can do with cheat codes, isn’t it?” Burnie snorted, shaking his head as the group started to follow Joel. 

“So you guys haven’t faced your denizen yet either, right?” Jeremy’s voice piped up from the rear of the group, causing Burnie and Geoff to both look back at the younger man. 

“Not yet, no. We’re going to wait for Gavin and Michael and then we can go meet up with ours as a group.” Jeremy nodded, rubbing the back of his neck as he checked his messages, letting Barbara lead him by his sleeve as they walked. 

JD: Hey, how’s your search going?  
GF: Well, Michael’s a little upset that there’s apparently a giant angry fire beast we need to fight  
GF: But I’m not so sure that it’s actually a beast? I think that Hephaestus is just a very angry fiery large man. Maybe. Hopefully.  
JD: To be fair, I thought that Cetus was going to want to fight us but instead it was just a lot of riddles and Barb making awful puns.   
JD: I think you guys will be okay. Like… I know we always shit on you but you’re pretty smart sometimes. And Michael’s good at figuring stuff out too. You guys got this.  
GF:... thanks, Lil J.  
GF: Seriously. A part of me… sort of worries that my being here might screw you guys over  
GF: But I’m trying to win this, I promise!  
JD: Dude, I know. And I think that you being here is really good for both Michael and Geoff. It’s okay.   
GF: :)  
JD: :D  
GF: :DDD  
JD: Alright thats enough of that. You guys let us know if anything happens okay? We’re going to be staying at Joel’s place I guess so.   
GF: Joel?  
GF: As in Heyman?  
GF: JOELS HERE  
JD: Uh. Yeah. He is.  
JD: He glitched into the game and he’s part salamander I guess?  
GF: Okay. Good to know I guess????  
JD: We’ll meet up with you when you guys get here.  
GF: Okay. Talk to you later Jeremy.

“Gavin says that they’re still looking for Hephaestus, but he’s going to keep me up to date on how their search is going.” Geoff glanced over at Jeremy, giving a nod as Joel stopped in front of a wooden door in the wall of the cliff they had reached. 

“Oh my god, Jeremy. We’ve reached your home, look, it’s perfect for you.” Geoff burst into laughter as he pointed at the door, and Jeremy gave a roll of his eyes as he reached to shove Geoff lightly. 

“Ha ha. I’m short. Hilarious.” Geoff beamed as Joel reached to open the door, gesturing for the group to enter the dark tunnel. Burnie lead the way, following the path made up of the bioluminescent mushrooms on the ground.

“I assume we’re following the mushrooms? There’s no light in here, how do you see anything?” Burnie grumbled, and Joel let out a laugh from the rear of the group before making his way up to Burnie’s side. 

“You get use to it. There’s some lighting in my actually main area, don’t worry. It’s just easier to follow the mushrooms in the dark.” He lead them through to a larger main area, and the group looked around. There was a large bed and some roughly made furniture, what looked like a fireplace carved into the wall and…

“Is that the mini fridge from the studio?” Joel glanced over at Barbara at her question before turning to look at the fridge in question for a moment. Frowning slightly, he turned back to her, giving a little shrug. 

“Well there’s no use for it there any more, right? Plus I can keep my drinks cold.” Geoff snorted, slinging his bag onto the table before moving to lay on the bed, stretching out.

“I guess that’s one way to look at it, yeah. But you could have just alchemized a larger fridge. And then you’d be able to store more things. Logic.” He waved his hands, and Joel shrugged again as the others took seats around the room. 

“Look, I’m busy making sure money is a happening thing. You gotta get grist to spend grist, guys. Speaking of, if you want to spend some, the alchemizer’s in the back room. Have at it.” Barbara grinned, getting out of her chair to go into the other room, and Joel gave a groan. “Don’t alchemize a bunch of dicks, Barbara!” Laughter followed the blonde out, and Joel sighed as he sat down, the group looking around at each other before Burnie spoke. 

“And now… we wait.”


End file.
